I said in my very first post that I am writing this blog to somewhat alleviate my pains of not having any social media accounts. Well, today would have been Transformation Tuesday. I would have posted a picture of Ellie when she was younger and compared it to now, would have gone hashtag crazy; the picture would've gotten a ton of likes, and maybe a few comments. 😄 On the flip side, if I posted pictures of myself I would have gotten 2 likes: Heath and my dad. They are my biggest fans. 😉 Ok, back to my story. I want this Transformation Tuesday to be about me and how much I have changed over the last 9 months and 14 days. Really even longer than that. My life changed on April 3, 2013. I found out I would be a mommy!! I can't explain how excited I was. Any mom knows what I'm talking about. You feel so many different emotions at once! My main ones were excitement and fear. I had never been around tiny babies before and I had NO idea how I would grow one inside of me!! Not to mention take care of her and keep her safe once I had her!! I was terrified. (And I still am, every day.) I couldn't imagine myself as a mommy. I didn't know how I could function on no sleep. That's really all people tell you about babies: they poop a lot and you will never get to sleep. I love my sleep. But the fact is, you just do. Everything feels like it's going to fall apart and that you are going to lose it. But it never happens, it always works out. And every time things get crazy, I learn something new. Ellie and I are insanely close. (Or at least that's what I think!!) I was fortunate enough to take a few months off and stay home with her. I learned a lot about being a mommy, but better yet I learned who my daughter is. One of the scariest things, to me, is that Ellie can't tell me what she needs, wants, or feels. Spending so much time with her and being her sole caretaker (Daddy helped after work - but taking time off of work allowed Ellie to be my 'job') helped me to really get to know her. I can tell, most of the time, if she's tired, hungry, has a tummy ache, or is just fussing. It has been stressful, but I wouldn't change one second of it for the world. My heart is a gajillion (that's the biggest number is Julie-land) times bigger than I ever thought it could be. My family means everything to me. And I have finally found my calling! Being a mommy and a partner. I love taking care of Heath and Ellie. I enjoy doing laundry, dishes, picking up toys, giving baths, changing diapers, cooking, making Heath's lunches, and a million other things. I don't get much me time. But, why would I want that when I have two amazing people to spend my time with? Some people would give anything to be sleepy and stressed out. Just to have a family. I am more than grateful for mine.
I used to be so immature and irresponsible. I feel like life has lead me down a great path, and I intend to make the most of it!!
Ironically, as I was typing this, poor Ellie woke up and started having a breakdown. Heath had school tonight and then work, so we were going to stay at my moms. Ellie fell asleep and I was laying next to her like I do every night. She woke up startled and was VERY upset. My mom, stepdad, and myself all tried to soothe her and calm her down. Nothing worked. So, we hopped in the car and drove 45 minutes home. She fell asleep in the car and is asleep in my bed as we speak. It's nights like these that will test you. I can't tell if she is in pain, had a bad dream, or is just upset because she misses Daddy. It makes me feel like I'm failing as a mommy. But I have to remind myself that this is how I learn. I have to figure out what works best for Ellie and just remember it for the next time!! :)
Anyways, long story short, I feel like my entire mentality has changed since I became a mommy. I guess this post turned more into a big rant about me being a mommy, not how I have changed. The old me wasn't a lady like the new me, so we won't talk much about her!! I like this new me, I have a purpose in life now. And it's a great feeling!!! Here's a #tranformationtuesday for you all!!!
Sidenote: I apologize if this post is a little all over the place. This is the first post I've done from my phone, and I don't have much time to edit!! 😁
❤️❤️❤️
The picture on the left is Ellie at 2 months old. On the right is about 8.5! I love her sweet face to the moon and back!!!
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